6:46am: I wake up 16 minutes later than I had planned, but 14 minutes earlier than I had realistically predicted. Life is good.
7:30am: Which of my shirts am I ok with it forever smelling like death due to 8 weeks of dissection? I guess it'll be the free Welcome Weekend shirt they gave us. We basically got suckered into attending a dog and pony show (my new favorite expression) of a weekend which presented information that we should have received a month before, not a week before school starts. Hah! Wearing the shirt to dissection will show them!
8:04am: After navigating through some hazardous areas (post-hurricane gutting and reconstruction) on first floor, I arrive in the auditorium just in time to hear "...and that's what will get you through the exams." I wish I hadn't heard that at all so I wouldn't have to live with the knowledge that I missed the most important piece of information by being 4 minutes late. I vote for saving golden nuggets of wisdom until the last 10 minutes of class.
8:14am: There are 4 different UTMB wireless networks. Incidentally, none of them seem to work on my laptop.
9:10am: Time to meet our cadaver. This is the time I realize that watching the dissection video ahead of time does have its advantages. Sadly, I will not be partaking in such advantages today.
9: 47am: Tank mate R compares the cadaver's exposed pectoralis major muscle to "red meat... like beef." I gag silently, all the while thinking this isn't much different than dissecting a bird in my Biology of Birds class last semester, or like carving a turkey on Thanksgiving. I gag silently again at myself.
10:07am: Our cadaver is really... juicy. A strange fluid oozes out of nowhere and collects in the depressions created by the fat tissue. Tank mate K suggests we use "the turkey baster thing" to suck out the juice. I try, but to no avail. However, I do secretly feel slightly vindicated about the previous Thanksgiving comparison thanks to K's "turkey baster" reference.
10:58am: I've washed my hands twice, the second time with scalding water I can barely withstand. My hands still smell like Death and his buddy Formaldehyde had a party on my hands, got really wasted, and threw up all over them. The responsible friend Latex tried to contain their wanton ways, but got suckered in because Death is a sly minx.
2:25-2:39pm: My blinks are getting slower and slower, until I realize I'm falling asleep sitting straight up in a room of 10 people, all sitting around one table. Hopefully the facilitator, who is sitting directly across from me, has noticed neither my incredibly long and slow blinks nor my head bobbing due to brief losses of wakefulness.
3:11pm: The 2-5pm class is done. I'm digging this being-done-2-hours-before-we're-suppose-to-be-done business. Med school is gonna be a piece of cake!
6:27pm: The amount of reading I should have done for today and need to do for tomorrow is ridiculous. So ridiculous, in fact, that I think I'll put it off until later. Denial and Avoidance are my go-to guys for life's problems. They're also more fun and less smelly than Death and Formaldehyde.
Tomorrow is my first day of medical school. Both traditional and non-traditional wisdom alike would advise that one prepare for such an occasion by reading the required texts (or perusing it, or hell, even just opening the books). Also on the to-do list is watching a 13-minute video demonstrating the dissection we'll be doing tomorrow. Last, but certainly not the least, I should pack my lunch and figure out which of my shirts I'll be sacrificing for said dissection.
Instead, I think I've found better way to prepare for med school: watching an episode of House.
That's House, M.D.
I'm pretty sure whoever said TV has no educational value and no basis in reality made the mistake of choosing required medical reading over 44 minutes of pure medical delight found with Hugh Laurie. C'mon, a Brit who can spout off that much golden sarcasm in such a convincing American accent clearly deserves our attention. Also, I now know about Erdheim-Chester disease. <cue NBC public service announcement music> The more you know.
I guess Essential Clinical Anatomy and A Guide to Physical Examination will have to wait another day.
